dreams January 14, 2023

I keep having dreams of abandonment the most recent one involved my partner Lynn and I we were trying to get I don't know what transfer of our mean to our accounts And I believe mine arrived and where we were was in a foreign country and While mine arrived he stepped out into this foreign city and disappeared and I didn't know where he was and I ended up having to go check into the motel by myself and he was nowhere around and was not about to return And so my sense of abandonment Emotions were we're dominant in my dream.

Coming to reality it reminds me Of the different times where like when I was with Les... He often left me alone and did not return for weeks and I felt this overwhelming sense of abandonment not a good feeling especially when you are CO dependent as I was I am a lot better today and I've struggled to accept the fact that I am alone and I do not rely upon others opinions of me and who I am and I need to be more comfortable in my own skin I recently had a discussion With my CO worker John Poston and he reminded me that ultimately that is who I have to be comfortable with myself in my own journey and as long as I take care of my side of the street I should be good I do not need other pupils approval of the decisions that I made and therapy's their misconceptions or conceptions of who I am is theirs and I cannot rely upon their there's their thoughts and their opinions and their ideas Of who I am and who they see me as as to ultimately become comfortable of who I am I know this truth and they need to stay on their side of the street my struggle is with my driver bill and his opinions of myself and life in general he is a very sad person and angry for the most part and judgmental for a lot of things and I need to accept that And that's OK and he does his job I'll do my job I'm limited at that if hes not comfortable he can move on I don't need to be moved over now because miss T my boss theressia and John are ultimately who I answer to in the company that we work for And as long as that lines up with my relationship with my higher power and my understanding of what my journey and life is all about then I'm OK thanks