Relapse is part of life
relapse occurred with some of my friends this week. there are several participants in this scenario, I will label their parts by the term "players" ..just a term. No derogatory meaning there.
The players:
Rachel - runs HOB, a transitional sober/clean living environment for men.
Daryl - works as a teacher at HOB, also sponsors several men living at HOB
AJ- second time to live at HOB, just changed sponsors
Ben- has a sponsor, worked the steps through to step 8 with a sponsor, lived at previous rehab before coming to HOB
Sergio- came straight from detox to HOB, and has questioned whether he could relate to this, or not, and finally on 5/22, agreed to a sponsor to help focus on working the steps.
Paul- lives at HOB
Thomas- lives at HOB
Jesse- sponsors some men at HOB
Tuesday- Paul needed to speak with me, his sponsor, about issues of anonymity, and such, being as I work with Rachel, he lives under HOB ran by Rachel, I sponsor Rachel, etc. I assure him, none of what my sponsee and I discuss is shared or expressed to another person, out of respect of anonymity. Jesse sat in at one point, and help diffuse Paul's fears. Paul never felt betrayed, but was concerned it might be conflicts, etc. While we sat, Thomas came in, twice, and finally, we figured out that Thomas needed to speak with Jesse, his sponsor. They left, Paul and I spoke further, and then, we all finished speaking with one another, and bid goodnight. I met up with Jesse at Denny's later, and while we sat waiting on our orders, a phone call came from one of his sponsees...AJ...though it was their conversation, I overheard it, as I am sure that AJ and Jesse were well aware, as to I was mentioned in the conversation as being across the table from AJ. Their conversation concerned a female that had been texting back and forth with AJ, and went so far as to asking AJ to use the HOB bus to pick her up to go to meetings with the guys. This is the same female that had been texting Ben, this is the same female that had approached Rachel to come help her at HOB, this is the same female that hooked up with another guy who only comes because his parole officer makes him, he makes no secret about that. This is the same female that has been offered my and Jesse's number for a ride to the meeting because she lives in the same area as we do..this is not a suggested practice, though, for male to offer rides to females, or vice versa. The only reason Jesse and I offered was because we work a program, I am gay, and Jesse works a program, has a female he is interested in, and respects that. This same female was offered other women's numbers. This is the same female that when she said she wanted to help out at the HOB, it was suggested she help out at the Grace House, for women...she said she preferred helping men. So, anyway, its not difficult to reach the point of why this female was texting with AJ. Jesse gave AJ the sound advice to suggest other women, the Grace House, and even to ask himself or I for a ride to the meeting. That was that for Tuesday.
Wednesday- I have to stay in all day, to take Super Prep Bowel medicine for my colonoscopy on Thursday. The day is uneventful for me, I was okay, though, and glad to be home near a toilet.
Thursday- 4:30am I get a phone call from AJ. He is wanting to talk. We talk. As we talk, I suspect by the sound of his voice, that he is drunk. But, I do not confront him. I listen. He shares that he has his drummer as his sponsor...jesse is a drummer, btw. He also shares that his father's birthday was today. (at this point, I say, well did you drink or get drunk over it?...my backdoor way of confronting him, I guess) His response: Heck things are so tight here at HOB you can't do that stuff here. Are you saying I'm drunk? My response: No, I was just pointing out how you approached an emotional and important day, and you did not choose to get drunk, right? That's a good thing, right?"
We went on speaking. We touched on many things, some disturbing (involves a relative and himself, and sex). I don't know if he was yanking my chain, or what. None-the-less, I did not let it phase me in the conversation. As we conversed more, I learned he was performing at some place I thought was on 420..(later, I learned he was saying Forney). he was asking me to be there as an accountability friend for him. To which, I most assuredly agreed to.
Oh, and one thing that was revealed in the conversation, Thomas stepped down as House Maintenance and Rachel asked AJ to step up to that position.
This conversation went on for over 90 minutes. During which, Jesse left for work, Boo-boo barked when he left, and I was so desiring to lay back down for a few more minutes rest because I had to be in Tyler at 8:30am. I was finally able to get AJ to say good-bye around 6am.
I got ready and was picked up by Gwen at 7:30am. En-route, I called Rachel, out of concern, in the back of my mind, I felt AJ had relapsed, but because of my respect and belief in anonymity (as preciously discussed with Paul, and Jesse)...I said nothing of the phone call I received at 4:30am. I also learned in my conversation with Rachel, that AJ was in the new position, because she said at one point, she hoped he didn't over-sleep this morning because as the House Maintenance guy he needed to be up. This was oh, about 9:30a, I was soon after put under and was not available.
That afternoon, when I turned my phone back on, I had received a text from AJ..nothing bad, just the phrase "has anyone told you they wuv you today..i said no..he replied well maybe tomorrow. and there were a few funny exchanges. And some odd response
"you and every other trifling motherfukrs in the world does+that+shit and it aint right. To which I replied stfu, then lol.
then came back a reply Ben had my phone. Sorry. I replied Omg.
Later in the afternoon, Gwen dropped me off. I was not to drive because of the anesthesia. I called Ben, to check in. No answer. I called the HOB house, and Kevin answered, I asked for Ben. Ben came to the phone. I was saying hello, and then he said he had a phone call and could he call back. I said never mind. and hung up. I admit, I felt something was wrong, or hurt. because I had just tried calling him and he didn't answer.
So, anyway. I was able to catch a ride to CLC from Brandi, and made a 7pm meeting. Jana brought me home. Jesse wasn't home yet because he went to the NAR anon 8pm meeting. When he got home, we visited. I opened up to him about the 4:30am phone call. And asked if he saw AJ tonight since he saw some of the other guys from HOB there at NarAnon. He said he had not. I said AJ referred to his drummer as being his sponsor. which Jesse wasn't aware of, but was more than okay with. Anyway, I shared my concern of whether AJ was drunk when he called, but I never spoke of any of the personal comments AJ shared with me. I suggested maybe Jesse could give him a call. Jesse went to bed. I went to my bedroom. Within an hour, Jesse sent me a text, saying AJ had gotten drunk and had gotten kicked out of HOB. saying it is, what it is. True that.
I had sent a text to Bill and also to Rachel saying I had made it through the day, and was home and grateful..and that I loved them..and good night.
Bill sent back a reply, bless you and good night D,love you.
Rachel replied something similar.
Then, Rachel called to ask if I had heard. I said what? That AJ, Ben, and Sergio had all been drinking. AJ had went to get the booze, and it was Ben's birthday..they were celebrating.
AJ got kicked out of HOB for the 2nd time. because he not only relapsed, but provided the means for 2 others there at HOB to relapse, too.
Ben is back on 30 day restriction. Changed his clean date.
Sergio has no program, and maybe he will see it differently today.
Rachel and I will speak today. I have to get ready to teach a class at HOB.
The players:
Rachel - runs HOB, a transitional sober/clean living environment for men.
Daryl - works as a teacher at HOB, also sponsors several men living at HOB
AJ- second time to live at HOB, just changed sponsors
Ben- has a sponsor, worked the steps through to step 8 with a sponsor, lived at previous rehab before coming to HOB
Sergio- came straight from detox to HOB, and has questioned whether he could relate to this, or not, and finally on 5/22, agreed to a sponsor to help focus on working the steps.
Paul- lives at HOB
Thomas- lives at HOB
Jesse- sponsors some men at HOB
Tuesday- Paul needed to speak with me, his sponsor, about issues of anonymity, and such, being as I work with Rachel, he lives under HOB ran by Rachel, I sponsor Rachel, etc. I assure him, none of what my sponsee and I discuss is shared or expressed to another person, out of respect of anonymity. Jesse sat in at one point, and help diffuse Paul's fears. Paul never felt betrayed, but was concerned it might be conflicts, etc. While we sat, Thomas came in, twice, and finally, we figured out that Thomas needed to speak with Jesse, his sponsor. They left, Paul and I spoke further, and then, we all finished speaking with one another, and bid goodnight. I met up with Jesse at Denny's later, and while we sat waiting on our orders, a phone call came from one of his sponsees...AJ...though it was their conversation, I overheard it, as I am sure that AJ and Jesse were well aware, as to I was mentioned in the conversation as being across the table from AJ. Their conversation concerned a female that had been texting back and forth with AJ, and went so far as to asking AJ to use the HOB bus to pick her up to go to meetings with the guys. This is the same female that had been texting Ben, this is the same female that had approached Rachel to come help her at HOB, this is the same female that hooked up with another guy who only comes because his parole officer makes him, he makes no secret about that. This is the same female that has been offered my and Jesse's number for a ride to the meeting because she lives in the same area as we do..this is not a suggested practice, though, for male to offer rides to females, or vice versa. The only reason Jesse and I offered was because we work a program, I am gay, and Jesse works a program, has a female he is interested in, and respects that. This same female was offered other women's numbers. This is the same female that when she said she wanted to help out at the HOB, it was suggested she help out at the Grace House, for women...she said she preferred helping men. So, anyway, its not difficult to reach the point of why this female was texting with AJ. Jesse gave AJ the sound advice to suggest other women, the Grace House, and even to ask himself or I for a ride to the meeting. That was that for Tuesday.
Wednesday- I have to stay in all day, to take Super Prep Bowel medicine for my colonoscopy on Thursday. The day is uneventful for me, I was okay, though, and glad to be home near a toilet.
Thursday- 4:30am I get a phone call from AJ. He is wanting to talk. We talk. As we talk, I suspect by the sound of his voice, that he is drunk. But, I do not confront him. I listen. He shares that he has his drummer as his sponsor...jesse is a drummer, btw. He also shares that his father's birthday was today. (at this point, I say, well did you drink or get drunk over it?...my backdoor way of confronting him, I guess) His response: Heck things are so tight here at HOB you can't do that stuff here. Are you saying I'm drunk? My response: No, I was just pointing out how you approached an emotional and important day, and you did not choose to get drunk, right? That's a good thing, right?"
We went on speaking. We touched on many things, some disturbing (involves a relative and himself, and sex). I don't know if he was yanking my chain, or what. None-the-less, I did not let it phase me in the conversation. As we conversed more, I learned he was performing at some place I thought was on 420..(later, I learned he was saying Forney). he was asking me to be there as an accountability friend for him. To which, I most assuredly agreed to.
Oh, and one thing that was revealed in the conversation, Thomas stepped down as House Maintenance and Rachel asked AJ to step up to that position.
This conversation went on for over 90 minutes. During which, Jesse left for work, Boo-boo barked when he left, and I was so desiring to lay back down for a few more minutes rest because I had to be in Tyler at 8:30am. I was finally able to get AJ to say good-bye around 6am.
I got ready and was picked up by Gwen at 7:30am. En-route, I called Rachel, out of concern, in the back of my mind, I felt AJ had relapsed, but because of my respect and belief in anonymity (as preciously discussed with Paul, and Jesse)...I said nothing of the phone call I received at 4:30am. I also learned in my conversation with Rachel, that AJ was in the new position, because she said at one point, she hoped he didn't over-sleep this morning because as the House Maintenance guy he needed to be up. This was oh, about 9:30a, I was soon after put under and was not available.
That afternoon, when I turned my phone back on, I had received a text from AJ..nothing bad, just the phrase "has anyone told you they wuv you today..i said no..he replied well maybe tomorrow. and there were a few funny exchanges. And some odd response
"you and every other trifling motherfukrs in the world does+that+shit and it aint right. To which I replied stfu, then lol.
then came back a reply Ben had my phone. Sorry. I replied Omg.
Later in the afternoon, Gwen dropped me off. I was not to drive because of the anesthesia. I called Ben, to check in. No answer. I called the HOB house, and Kevin answered, I asked for Ben. Ben came to the phone. I was saying hello, and then he said he had a phone call and could he call back. I said never mind. and hung up. I admit, I felt something was wrong, or hurt. because I had just tried calling him and he didn't answer.
So, anyway. I was able to catch a ride to CLC from Brandi, and made a 7pm meeting. Jana brought me home. Jesse wasn't home yet because he went to the NAR anon 8pm meeting. When he got home, we visited. I opened up to him about the 4:30am phone call. And asked if he saw AJ tonight since he saw some of the other guys from HOB there at NarAnon. He said he had not. I said AJ referred to his drummer as being his sponsor. which Jesse wasn't aware of, but was more than okay with. Anyway, I shared my concern of whether AJ was drunk when he called, but I never spoke of any of the personal comments AJ shared with me. I suggested maybe Jesse could give him a call. Jesse went to bed. I went to my bedroom. Within an hour, Jesse sent me a text, saying AJ had gotten drunk and had gotten kicked out of HOB. saying it is, what it is. True that.
I had sent a text to Bill and also to Rachel saying I had made it through the day, and was home and grateful..and that I loved them..and good night.
Bill sent back a reply, bless you and good night D,love you.
Rachel replied something similar.
Then, Rachel called to ask if I had heard. I said what? That AJ, Ben, and Sergio had all been drinking. AJ had went to get the booze, and it was Ben's birthday..they were celebrating.
AJ got kicked out of HOB for the 2nd time. because he not only relapsed, but provided the means for 2 others there at HOB to relapse, too.
Ben is back on 30 day restriction. Changed his clean date.
Sergio has no program, and maybe he will see it differently today.
Rachel and I will speak today. I have to get ready to teach a class at HOB.
Comments