Saturday June 26, 2010
I am getting a slow start this morning. I spent some quality time with friends last night after group. I truly am grateful for their friendship, too. I'd love to say all was hunky dory last evening, but that'd be a lie. Truth is, there are times when people offer the hand of friendship to others and end up feeling as though the hand were bitten. I guess this is one of the difficult parts to walk through in life..to not take things so personally and still be there. At the meeting, or rather after the meeting, another member out and out accused me of telling other people what they needed to do. Truth be known, I know better than to do such a thing in those meetings. I “own” every statement I make, or I try my best. For example, you may have difficulty in a certain situation..I would never say “you ought to do this, or need to do that”…instead, I would say “if I were in a similar situation then I would..” or, often, I remember something in my past that truly relates and I would share how I handled that …I never ever tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do. Its not my place. I suggest, possibly, or share how I handled something similar in the past..and, to my understanding, this is the extent of how I should give my advice. Its a “no no” to give YOU statements so, I do my best to OWN my statements everytime I open my mouth. I think, though, for the next week, I will sit quietly (except for the nights I share, of course).
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I've learned to ask the person EXACTLY what it was I said that made them feel that way. Perhaps I inadvertently did say something not intended. Perhaps they misheard what I said. Either way we can clear it up, and make amends if needed.
Human communication is tricky. Sometimes someone is going to get offended no matter what we do. Sometimes jealousy, or even normal human differences interfere. Like my sponsor years ago used to say, some of us are sicker at others. I'm chuckling when I came to the realization that back then sometimes I was that sicker person he was talking about.
Which brings me to my other realization those many years ago. No matter what I do, sometimes folks are just not going to like me. NOT LIKE ME? But I'm the center of the universe. Um, no. I do wish everyone loved me. Saying it won't make it so. Saying and believing somehow everyone can make people love me makes me drink or drug. So the other option for me is to be true to myself, and relish the friendships I make and be open to reconciliation for those who don't feel so kindly towards me. So far it has worked.