Close up picture of Todd

This is my new friend, Todd. He just joined my home group. He has a 15/16 year old son and is a single parent. I truly enjoyed our conversation after group last evening. His sexual persuasion is different than mine, but this does not take away from what I hope is going to be a wonderful friendship. Guess what? I have some wonderful friendships with guys that happen to be heterosexual. These relationships are deeper and more spiritual than I have ever been able to have with anyone in life. I am also discovering that the most fulfilling relationships happen to be ones that are spiritual in nature. I would love to experience a fulfilling relationship on the physical, spiritual and emotional plane all in one person. (and this would, of course, include a love that was sexually expressed). But, I do not know if I will ever encounter this..whether this is because of my sexual insecurities (or hang-ups) or what..back in the day, there was a time I did not care emotionally, and was in it for the sexual release. But, today, I have somewhat of a conscience...maybe so much so its to my own demise, sexually-speaking. I do not get to experience intimacy. It gets to me, at times. Of course, looking back to when I was sexually active, the intimacy was not so much intimacy by true definition, but rather, just animal-istic behavior..acting out sexually with lust fulfillment..spiritually empty and devoid of true emotional fulfillment. So,which is better? Today, I experience on the physical plane a bond with the guy who coaches and guides me in my workout-Michael, who is a great guy friend who is in tune with working out. (and occasionally, we have talks on a more spiritual level, for he is involved with his church, too). But, mainly, I get spiritual and emotional fulfillment from my involvement with my home group where I've been blessed with my relationship with God and many friends. I realize I have many things to be grateful for- but still, there are times, I truly would love to experience this wonderful life with someone special, who loved me, and I loved them..as we walked this spiritual path of recovery together, side by side. Will this ever happen? Maybe. Until that day,though, I will do as my friend Barbara often says.."left foot, right foot"..and keep walking on this spiritual path remembering to be grateful with each step... love to you all. Later.