May 13, 2010

It is Thursday morning. I overslept. I would normally be at the Olympic Center working out by now, but I was running behind. Also, my friend Jesse is crashed on the couch. One of the interesting things I am discovering in recovery is relationships and how much they can affect one's sanity. There are different levels and depths of relationships. I am learning more and more that one of the most important and most reliable is the relationship I have with God. I know that instinctive impulse to say.."oh, yeah, you are just putting a coat of white-wash on the problem and not really dealing with it when you do things like turn it over to God..." I have to say, though, in reality, there really is something to this process of including God in my life, and expressing my inner thoughts to God, and being open to the idea that God can and will give me strength, guidance, and love. I kept myself at a stumbling block for a long time with questions of "why?" and I realize now, if and when I am to know such things, I will...I have faith. Sometimes, things that occur in life are just that..things that occur...how I react or act to such things is the key to where my emotions and happiness go. I am trying to think of a simple example where one might ask why and the truth being that the answer to "why" isn't that necessary to accept and move on. I am compelled to think of the hot stove...its hot and burns if one touches it after it has been turned on..and I could dwell on "why"...and sit and think of all the physics and chemistry involved in the process of why this heavy object is able to get hot and why when I touch it it burns my skin...but, to what purpose..this is a perfect example of knowing its not a good idea to touch the hot surface and leave it at that..knowing, by faith, that if I choose not to touch that hot surface I will not experience the pain. So, I guess I am trying to say it is a learned experience to learn not to ask why sometimes and just accept. It is said in AA, acceptance is the key to all our problesm, God is the answer.